Summer I'll Be Wearing a Bathing Suit

This summer I will do something I've never had the courage to do before. Move to a new country with only one suitcase? Done. Run marathons? Done. Run with a double stroller from the Bronx to Battery Park? Done. This summer is about a different type of empowerment. I will go to the beach wearing a bathing suit. I was six years old enjoying an afternoon with my mother when she suggested that from that day on I should not eat "Dani", which was a type of chocolate pudding that my dad used to bring with him from work each day. I remember not understanding why she suggested that, and innocently asking why. I vaguely remember her impromptu explanation, but I vividly remember how it made me feel (I know now that she was doing the best she could with the information that she had at the time). Later in my life, when I was about seven years old, my sister and I had matching two-piece neon bathing suits that we loved so much (growing up in Israel, everything we got from the USA was glamorous). Our cousin who came for a summer visit told me (not suggested) that I should not wear that type of bathing suit. With the help of his tone and facial expression I did not need to ask him why not, but I had the same feeling when I was told not to eat pudding. These are just the first of many times in my life that I was told what not to eat and what not to wear because of my size. I am in my early thirties now, and can count with one hand the number of times I was in a pool or a beach. As a teenager I disliked almost every inch of my body. I remember at the age of 13 my friend and I created a list of body parts we would change if we could. Her list was short, but mine looked like a family of five's grocery shopping list. It included almost every body part, head to toe (luckily, unlike Michael Jackson, I did not have the resources to follow through with this list). In addition, for years I was afraid that when, or if I ever have kids, they will resemble me. When I was 25 years old I discovered a new love. I discovered working out, and I also thought I finally had it all under control. I stopped eating all desserts like I was suggested years ago. I also stopped eating almost everything else that I loved (or needed). I dropped a lot of weight and got that ripped figure that no one (including myself) ever thought I could get. I was focused, obsessed, and strong. For the first time in my life, I was a size 2 (even at lowest, a size 0) and I chose the gym over friends daily. Looking back, even at 121 lbs I went shopping for a bathing suit, but never had the guts to wear it. sRoMXy99
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